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A capacity audience of almost 300 people packed into the Canal Court Hotel in Newry today, 28 Feb for the 40th Anniversary Women's Aid Armagh Down 'Be the Change' Conference.
The conference at many stages was uncomfortable listening but there was also much inspiration. A much unwanted statistic is that outside of Belfast the area served by WAAD has the highest incidents of domestic abuse. This requires all of us to do something about it to make a change and to that end the conference gave much food for thought to all present.
Guests heard from a range of phenomenal speakers including the internationally renowned speaker and author on gender based violence, Jackson Katz who travelled from Boston to be part of the event.
Lurgan man Noel McNally told the story of his beautiful daughter Natalie who was murdered in December 2022 in the town. His harrowing talk was listened to in absolute silence and a fair share of tears. A story of his family's absolute love for Natalie and of their continued utter devastation at her loss which time doesn't heal. He described his family as just an ordinary family "If it can happen to us, it can happen to anyone." he said.
Earlier the morning session heard a powerful personal story from entrepreneur, campaigner and TV personality Norah Casey, Presiding District Judge Keown and First Woman of Ireland, Sabina Higgins.
Ms Higgins praised Women's Aid for all their work. "Safety, support and hope are the pillars which have supported the mission of Women's Aid for four decades, in it’s reaching out a hand of friendship and support to those who have found themselves trapped in cruel and abusive relationships, and support to their children who regularly witness brutality and aggression in their own homes.
"We have as a society come a long way. It has been welcome but so overdue, in terms of our capacity to address publicly, as matters of collective concern, the issues of domestic violence, sexual abuse, sexual violence and non-consensual pressure.
She added "Thanks to the determination of so many women’s groups and others, domestic violence and sexual violence have progressively acquired the levels of recognition that they deserve. Victims are more willing in recent times to come forward and seek support. Rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence are now acknowledged for what they are – that is, heinous crimes of the gravest sort."
Ms Higgins spoke of the importance of education "Education is key in breaking this cycle of violence and for creating a future where every child has the opportunity to thrive in a safe and nurturing environment. Furthermore, education serves as a catalyst for change within communities. By educating both women and men about gender equality and respectful relationships, we lay the foundation for a culture of mutual respect and understanding. We challenge harmful stereotypes and norms that perpetuate violence, fostering an environment where everyone is valued and respected regardless of gender.
"The importance of schools at all levels, crèche, primary and second level in prioritising their curriculum dealing with a child’s health and wellbeing in sex and sexuality education, in a gradual and age appropriate way is essential. Programmes like the stay safe at the youngest level and SPHE – Social Personal and Health Education programmes and the RSE, Relationship and Sexuality Education at an older age." she added.
Speaking about how a typical abuser can be a 'normal' guy in every other respect Jackson Katz said "The typical perpetrator of these abuses and crimes is not some sick man he is not a sociopath. He's not mentally ill, or deeply disturbed. Of course, there are those individuals but the typical abuser is not that. The typical abuser is a normal guy in every other respect. And by the way, that makes a lot of people very uncomfortable, because I think people would prefer the typical abuser and perpetrator to be some kind of monster, because then we can distance ourselves from him."
The conference also featured a presentation from Bernie McNally, Independent Chair of the Safeguarding Board, Northern Ireland followed by a production from young people and service users of Women's Aid Armagh Down. The purpose of the conference was to encourage leaders in business, sport, education, civic and community life to come together to invoke a societal change on the devastating impact of male abuse of women and children in our community.
Eileen Murphy, CEO Women's Aid Armagh Down said, "49 women have been murdered across the island of Ireland since March 2020 in domestic situations, 18 of these women in Northern Ireland. These are stark and shocking figures as behind each statistic is a woman, often children, and a heartbroken family.
"Today was about bringing the conversation that this needs to stop out into the open. We have the power to stop this, but we all need to be part of the change. This starts right from how we educate boys and girls at the earliest age, about how to treat each other and in particular how to treat women; as well as how we teach young people about healthy relationships. We hope today that delegates had lots of takeaways and will think differently about relationships and interactions going forward."
